Ponderings of a tainted man
by Miyami
Summary: An angsty pov from the creature we all hate. Naraku. It's kinda short... Please rr


Dislaimer: I do not own Naraku. I don't even WANT to own Naraku. * thinks of owning Naraku * Uhh. Excuse me while I go throw up.! *runs off  
  
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..Ponderings of a tainted man..  
  
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.Love.  
  
What is that? I've heard about it so many times. I have laughed at it, taunted it and disgraced it in all the ways I have thought possible. But still, it seems as if it's gaining on me. I do not like the thought of something being powerfull enough to stand against me, to match me when it comes to manipulating creatures.  
  
What I felt for Kikyô was nothing but. but a need of posession. She was so pure and I was tainted, foul, heartless, and yet I was but a mere human. A human so low, disgusting and pitied.  
  
I hate pity, and that was all that Kikyô could give me. She had allready given away her heart, I saw it in her eyes.  
  
And that jewel around her throat. It seemed so sparkling, so bright. More pure than even Kikyô it was, and I wanted it.  
  
She was so sorrowfully beautiful and full of darkness, sadness and confusion that I could not help but envy her. Everything in her were so pure. Sad, but pure. In my dark ours I pitied myself for being what I was, and yearned for a chanse of a new life, for a chanse to show her not to pity me.  
  
After a while, that chanse was all I could think of. That thought was the only thing that kept what was left of my sanity. And every time when came to take care of my wounds, all I wanted was to kill her because of how she made me feel. She made me feel weak. I still can't stand weakness, so I taunt it, just like I taunt what they call love. Love is pity, love is a weakness. Ohh how I hated it, hated her for making me think such thoughts. That she made me feel pitied, made me feel weak and powerless.  
  
In one of my darkest hours, in the darkest reality, I noticed that I was surrounded by demons. They had been drawn there to my cave by my growing hate and.yes, insanity.  
  
They were my only hope, my chanse of resurrection. My chanse of paying back on her, she who had had nothing but pity to give me. My chanse of paying back on him, he who stole her love.  
  
When I woke up last morning, that feeling of emptiness had disappeared. It was replaced by a growing hunger for revenge, replaced by hate for those had made me wrong.  
  
So, in this new body which was so different, so strong, I hunted her.  
  
And I made her pay.  
  
Later, when I watched how she pinned him to a tree and saw how she seeked comfort in his arms. I hated her still. But this time, it was different. Displaced by a grewsome thirst for more death and dispare.I wanted her dead. His death wasn't enough, I understood. How could I ever have been so foolish to think it would be enough only to see her pain, and the man who had stolen her heart, dead.  
  
Satisfaction.  
  
How betrayed I felt when she burnt herself with the shikon no tama. It was as if my life was drained out of it's power. The shikon no tama was something I desired. More than I desired Kikyô, I desired that jewel.  
  
That jewel could give me the power, the power to show the world who I was. who I hade become. Naraku. I wanted it to send chills down their spine, I wanted to see them crouch in fear only by mentioning my name.  
  
But when she burnt herself with that jewel, I wanted nothing but to disperse. It was a feeling so empty that it makes me laugh in irony every time I remember it. It was so long since I felt true emptiness, and I guess it belonged to the days when I still remembered who I used to be. That is what separates me from all the halfbreeds out there. Filthy, unpure.  
  
I hate them. Hate is all that I can feel these days. Hate and the desire for the shikon no tama.  
  
When that girl came, and along with her the jewel, I felt something inside of me. It was the feeling that I once more had a reason, and that I could continue my journey in being the most feared demon ever. Never shall they know my secret. I shall kill those who know. Those who claim that I have anything in common with humans and hanyôs all alike.  
  
And then Kikyô came back. Filled with nothing but hate and darkness, just like me. My life is perfekt, that is. if you can call it a life.  
  
I need no one. Why do I even ponder over what different names weakness may have? Because that's what it is. Love.an other word for weakness.  
  
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Allright. I just felt like writing angst. So sue me!!=P 


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